Angel Babies

Myth: "Pregnancy (or parenthood) will resolve your infertility. You'll no longer be affected by infertility."
Fact: This myth leads to much misunderstanding. Other members might presume pregnant couples no longer need RESOLVE's support. Pregnant couples are set up for disillusionment, as they find many infertility issues and emotions are still affecting them.
As I was watching a Dateline NBC story titled ‘Inconceivable,’ I was reminded of some unfinished business I needed to tend to within my heart. There are three angel babies that have become a part of who I am, and I believe it’s time to honor them.

I became pregnant with Joy in 2000.  Unfortunately, we miscarried within the first trimester. To date, this is one of the most tragic events of my life. A close friend of mine had also experienced miscarriages. She told me to think of Joy as a baby angel that graced me in the physical world for a short while, but will be with me for an eternity as a guiding star. These words were the only thing I found to console my aching heart.

In 2007 my body was prepped for in vitro fertilization. With the hard work of my husband, my doctor, and me 12 embryos were created. At the end of that emotional week only 3 embryos survived. After much discussion, we decided to implant 2 embryos on November 1, 2007. Two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test with a stern warning that due to the hormone injections, it could be a false positive.

For one week I had a blood serum pregnancy draw at the lab everyday. Thankfully, the pregnancy hormone was climbing which was a good sign, but nobody would officially tell us that we were pregnant. I felt like I was holding my breath. I had a lot of bleeding throughout my first trimester. I found it very difficult to relax and enjoy the pregnancy because of the overwhelming fear of losing the babies.

There were several ultrasounds taken those first three months. Each time there was hopeful growth and wellbeing of at least one fetus. However, there seemed no proper time to celebrate being pregnant and no proper time to grieve the loss of the second embryo. Lab techs, doctors, and nurses all agreed that the second one could be hiding behind the first. After eighteen weeks I finally was able to let go of the second baby. I no longer searched for the second heartbeat during ultrasounds.

I am so thankful for Isabelle Hope born July 17, 2008. She is a dream come true! Someday, I will be able to share with her that perhaps she had a brother. For a short time they grew together and shared my womb, but forever she will have a baby angel to protect her and bring her wisdom.

This brings me to the third embryo, Charity. On November 1, 2007 we decided that the possibility of triplets was too overwhelming. We signed the lease papers for our little embryo to remain frozen for future use. She was never far from my thoughts. I was constantly sending her loving energy.

As a spiritual person, I was trying to be make peace with the fact that there was an unborn child of ours in a freezer waiting for us. After one year, we received a letter from the lab notifying us that they would be closing their facility. With a contract signed by a notary, we agreed to have our embryo, Charity, sent with the rest of the embryos from our clinic in Lansing, Michigan to the Repro Tech storage facility in Minnesota. Our little embryo would be transported over 600 miles.

Charity stayed frozen for two years. By the grace of God, I became pregnant the “old fashioned” way. I had a positive pregnancy test on Christmas Day 2009. This made us extremely happy! Not only would we be spared the intense stress of in vitro, but this pregnancy would be cost-free!

However, we needed to decide the fate of Charity. We knew that if we were going to go through the IVF process again it would be in our best interest to start from the beginning. Statistically speaking, we needed at least 2 embryos to implant.  We were blessed with a second pregnancy. Did we really have to go through IVF again? The very thought of IVF made me want to throw up.

The new facility sent us a contract for final disposition of our embryo. There were supposed to be three choices: destruction, donation to science, or donation to another couple.  We did not qualify for donation to another couple. We originally “signed for life,” so this left us with a very difficult decision.

My husband and I once again had our signatures notarized. This time to have Charity donated to the University of Minnesota for stem cell research. It helped me to believe that her purpose had become to make a difference in the quality of life for patients suffering from such diseases as Parkinson's, diabetes, heart disease, muscular dystrophy, and more.

The spirits of my three angel babies will be with my family throughout time. We can call upon them whenever we need them. Today I honor Joy and the intensity that she brought to the relationship I have with my husband. I honor Wisdom and the knowledge he brought to my family as we expanded. I honor Charity and the selflessness of her spirit. I know now that whenever we give from ourselves we give a gift that often changes the lives of other people.

Many Blessings! Please Honor your Angel Babies with me.

Please check out Infertility 101: Knowledge is Key!http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/