Treat me like I have Breast Cancer!

I really wish people would treat those that are experiencing infertility as though they have breast cancer. I realize we are talking about apples and oranges here, but I think it needs to be shared. There are many similarities between the two diseases.
Infertility is taboo much like breast cancer was years ago. The women behind breast cancer awareness fought hard to bring their cause to the level of exposure it has today. We may have have to talk about our uterus VERY LOUD! October is breast cancer awareness month and people are already gearing up on Facebook with games pretending to be pregnant. Yes, this did make the infertility community shudder.
As nice as it would be to have the funding and government support given toward breast cancer that really isn't what I want most of all for the infertiles. I really want people to think before they speak. If somebody actually has the courage to share that they are experiencing infertility DO NOT say, "Lighten up," "Relax," "It's Gods will," "You're lucky," or "enjoy it while you can." Think to yourself, "What would I say to somebody that just told me they have breast cancer?" and react accordingly.
I'm sure you would never tell a woman, "If God wanted you to have breasts he wouldn't have given you cancer." Nor would you tell a woman suffering from the thought of cancer that she should just "relax."
The obvious difference between these two diseases is that cancer can take your life. I would argue that anyone who has experienced a miscarriage (some women trying to conceive have three or more)know all about the loss of life. I would even argue that many women experiencing infertility would rather die than live a life without children.
I would never want to take away from breast cancer awareness or those who have fought the fight. I am only asking for mutual respect; from one diseased person to another. Medical technology is improving everyday. I pray for a cure. My hope is that we can improve humanity with love and honor. We need to treat all people and all diseases equal.

Poetry

I have not fully committed to this blog, as evidenced by, my archives. Facebook seems to be my one-stop-shopping as of now although I am beginning to reach out to other bloggers. I am learning everyday. It seems blogging has it's own flow that I haven't quite figured out yet. The biggest difference is that bloggers don't seem to repsond to feedback in the same post. They wait a week and maybe, if you are lucky, they will respond in that post. The importance of this blog to me is that my story continues.
I have 2 new poems to share. The first is titled, "We Danced" and was written in honor of Sienna Faith. My pregnancy and labor was truly magical!

We Danced

When I learned you were a pea

In the depths of my womb

I danced

When the ultrasound showed your

Tiny heart bloom

I danced

On the day you were born

My hips joyfully swayed

Releasing my pelvis

Your head found its way

With focus

With breath

I let my body do the work

Each surge brought you closer

To birth

To breast

Together we were a duo

Singing in concert

And when we finally met

I held your tiny hand in mine and

We Danced!

The second poem continues with an obstetric theme.

In My Grandmother's Womb

Twas my Grandmother's womb where my Mother was made.
Each divine cell; with beauty and grace
She entered this world packed with childbearing eggs.
Released decades later; as menstruation begs
My roots run deeper than first I presume.
I was born from my Mother, but began

in my Grandmother's womb

Hope and Faith

I  have two healthy and beautiful daughters. Isabelle Hope was born July 17, 2008 via in vitro fertilization (IVF). I became pregnant with Sienna Faith the "old fashioned way" in 2009. She was born August 22, 2010. The following story was written shortly after Isabelle was born to help her (and me) understand the complexities of IVF.

Hope and Faith

Once upon a time, there was a woman who dreamed of having a baby of her very own. She tried very hard, for a very long time to wish a baby into her life. After many many years the woman found herself at the door of a very wise medicine man. She told the medicine man how much she wanted a child.
He said, "I can help you, but you will have to come visit me everyday for thirty days and thirty nights. Everyday, you will drink a magic potion and stick yourself with magic porcupine needles."
The woman agreed saying, "I will do anything to have a baby of my very own!"
For thirty days and thirty nights the woman went to the medicine man to drink his magic potion, pray, and stick herself with the magic porcupine needles. On the thirtieth night the woman went to pray with the medicine man.
He put his hands on her belly, paused, and said, "You are blessed with twelve children in your womb. You cannot keep all twelve. You can only keep one. I am going to take the children spirits to my magic sandbox. There they will discuss amongst themselves which one will be best suited for this life."
The woman was saddened by the thought of only keeping one of the children, but she was very happy to know that she would have a baby of her very own!
The medicine man took the children spirits to the magic sandbox where they could decide which baby would stay. The children spirits were:
1.  Strength
2.  Knowledge
3.  Friendship
4.  Poetry
5.  Wisdom
6.  Joy
7.  Clarity
8.  Grace
9.  Harmony
10.Hope
11.Faith
12. Peace

On the first day the boys decided to leave the sandbox. Strength, Knowledge, Wisdom, Friendship, and Poetry agreed that the woman should have a baby girl. The brothers left the girls knowing they could be called upon whenever they were needed.
They sang, "Just call for us and we will bring you strength, knowledge, wisdom, friendship, and poetry. We are your brothers and we will bring you comfort."
The girls nodded and thanked the boys for their generosity.
On the second day five of the girls decided to leave the sandbox. Joy, Clarity, Grace, Harmony, and Peace agreed that they too could be called upon by the chosen child. For they were her sisters and if she ever needed a bit of Joy, a moment of Clarity, a twist of Grace, the balance of harmony, or the stillness of peace all she had to do was call.
This left Faith and Hope in the sandbox.
Faith said, "I love the woman and I know she will love me. I want to be the chosen baby."
Hope spoke, "I too love the woman and I know she will love me! She never lost hope while wishing for a baby. I don't want her to lose hope now!"
Faith and Hope both wanted to be with the woman very badly. They could not decide between themselves.
On the third day, they both left the sandbox to visit the medicine man. The medicine man understood that the children were having difficulty. He allowed Faith and Hope to go to the woman, to be with her, and to decide which of them should stay with her.
After some time Faith said to Hope, "My sister, I see now how hope allowed the woman to finally be with child. I should leave you with her now. I have faith that I will return to the woman when it is my time. Until then sister, please call on me whenever you need me."
The sisters hugged. Hope was so happy to be the chosen baby! She knew how fortunate she was to have her brothers and sisters to call upon whenever she needed them. She was so excited to love the woman and let her love Hope!
Together they lived happily-ever-after!

Angel Babies

Myth: "Pregnancy (or parenthood) will resolve your infertility. You'll no longer be affected by infertility."
Fact: This myth leads to much misunderstanding. Other members might presume pregnant couples no longer need RESOLVE's support. Pregnant couples are set up for disillusionment, as they find many infertility issues and emotions are still affecting them.
As I was watching a Dateline NBC story titled ‘Inconceivable,’ I was reminded of some unfinished business I needed to tend to within my heart. There are three angel babies that have become a part of who I am, and I believe it’s time to honor them.

I became pregnant with Joy in 2000.  Unfortunately, we miscarried within the first trimester. To date, this is one of the most tragic events of my life. A close friend of mine had also experienced miscarriages. She told me to think of Joy as a baby angel that graced me in the physical world for a short while, but will be with me for an eternity as a guiding star. These words were the only thing I found to console my aching heart.

In 2007 my body was prepped for in vitro fertilization. With the hard work of my husband, my doctor, and me 12 embryos were created. At the end of that emotional week only 3 embryos survived. After much discussion, we decided to implant 2 embryos on November 1, 2007. Two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test with a stern warning that due to the hormone injections, it could be a false positive.

For one week I had a blood serum pregnancy draw at the lab everyday. Thankfully, the pregnancy hormone was climbing which was a good sign, but nobody would officially tell us that we were pregnant. I felt like I was holding my breath. I had a lot of bleeding throughout my first trimester. I found it very difficult to relax and enjoy the pregnancy because of the overwhelming fear of losing the babies.

There were several ultrasounds taken those first three months. Each time there was hopeful growth and wellbeing of at least one fetus. However, there seemed no proper time to celebrate being pregnant and no proper time to grieve the loss of the second embryo. Lab techs, doctors, and nurses all agreed that the second one could be hiding behind the first. After eighteen weeks I finally was able to let go of the second baby. I no longer searched for the second heartbeat during ultrasounds.

I am so thankful for Isabelle Hope born July 17, 2008. She is a dream come true! Someday, I will be able to share with her that perhaps she had a brother. For a short time they grew together and shared my womb, but forever she will have a baby angel to protect her and bring her wisdom.

This brings me to the third embryo, Charity. On November 1, 2007 we decided that the possibility of triplets was too overwhelming. We signed the lease papers for our little embryo to remain frozen for future use. She was never far from my thoughts. I was constantly sending her loving energy.

As a spiritual person, I was trying to be make peace with the fact that there was an unborn child of ours in a freezer waiting for us. After one year, we received a letter from the lab notifying us that they would be closing their facility. With a contract signed by a notary, we agreed to have our embryo, Charity, sent with the rest of the embryos from our clinic in Lansing, Michigan to the Repro Tech storage facility in Minnesota. Our little embryo would be transported over 600 miles.

Charity stayed frozen for two years. By the grace of God, I became pregnant the “old fashioned” way. I had a positive pregnancy test on Christmas Day 2009. This made us extremely happy! Not only would we be spared the intense stress of in vitro, but this pregnancy would be cost-free!

However, we needed to decide the fate of Charity. We knew that if we were going to go through the IVF process again it would be in our best interest to start from the beginning. Statistically speaking, we needed at least 2 embryos to implant.  We were blessed with a second pregnancy. Did we really have to go through IVF again? The very thought of IVF made me want to throw up.

The new facility sent us a contract for final disposition of our embryo. There were supposed to be three choices: destruction, donation to science, or donation to another couple.  We did not qualify for donation to another couple. We originally “signed for life,” so this left us with a very difficult decision.

My husband and I once again had our signatures notarized. This time to have Charity donated to the University of Minnesota for stem cell research. It helped me to believe that her purpose had become to make a difference in the quality of life for patients suffering from such diseases as Parkinson's, diabetes, heart disease, muscular dystrophy, and more.

The spirits of my three angel babies will be with my family throughout time. We can call upon them whenever we need them. Today I honor Joy and the intensity that she brought to the relationship I have with my husband. I honor Wisdom and the knowledge he brought to my family as we expanded. I honor Charity and the selflessness of her spirit. I know now that whenever we give from ourselves we give a gift that often changes the lives of other people.

Many Blessings! Please Honor your Angel Babies with me.

Please check out Infertility 101: Knowledge is Key!http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/

Life After Infertility

I never thought I would be blogger, but here I am. There are alot of things in my life I never thought I would be doing, but I continue to surprise my self. I originally set-up this account because I wanted to enter a contest regarding mythbusting infertility. It made sense to set-up this account to help sell my book, Turtle Hope.
Once I got over the initial shock that I had become a "Blogger," I realized this is exactly what I needed in my life. It was time to live in the moment! I am a stay-at-home Mommy. I never went back to nursing after my second child was born. One of my life's passions is writing. The only writing I've been doing has been toward promoting my book and journaling in my daughters' baby books. I need an anonymous place where I can 'get out' of my head.
Life after infertility has taken me down a path I could not have imagined. My life is blessed. I have many interests I would love to explore. I can't help but think this yet another life lesson.

Fairy Tale Ending

After a hadndful of my closest family and friends read Turtle Hope, I  received alot of pressure to change the ending. Everyone that read the book 'hated' the end. They knew all of my dreams had come true and could not understand why I wouldn't want to share that with the world.

This prompted me to write chapter eighteen: The Fairytale Ending. Writing an alternate went against my intuition and seemed forced, but I did it anyway.  With my stomach in knots, on the day the book was going to press, I told my publisher to delete the final chapter. It became clear to me that I needed to end the story with a sense of the unknown. While coping with “waiting for my turn” I really grew frustrated by other’s success stories. I wanted the reader to walk away with their own lessons of hope. 
I was eight months pregnant with my second daughter, Sienna Faith, and feeling completely blissful. However, all of that bliss could not erase the pain that infertility had caused. I felt guilty for finally having my dream and knew this book was my way of giving back to those still trying. The feelings of uncertainty you are left with at the end of Turtle Hope is the feeling you have when you are living with infertility.


Chapter Eighteen
For those of you that must have the fairytale ending, I welcome you to read on. I hesitate to continue. The basis of this writing is to share other ways to celebrate motherhood for those unable to bear children. However, I am pleased to share that the love of my life was born July 17, 2008. She is a beautiful baby girl named Isabelle Hope. I have lost all of my baby weight (plus ten pounds), and Tony and I are in marital counseling. Okay, so I lied about the weight. You wanted the fairytale, right?
Step #5 to infertility: Never give up on Turtle Hope (Please refer to step #4). I am here to tell you Isabelle is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to my life. There is nothing better. The struggles of life still fall around me. She has not fixed my marriage, my body image issues, or other choices in life gone awry. However, she has changed me in ways too numerous to mention, which officially makes me "one of them." I’m enjoying every blessing that parenthood brings, and I sincerely hope this book brings you everything you have ever dreamed or hoped!
Many Blessings, JPW

· · Share · Delete